You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
