I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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