i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
try to milk me bitch
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
