Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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