I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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