I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
