He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
