He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
