Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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