Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
