holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
