she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
