He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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