I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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