Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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