guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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