Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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