i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
