the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
