a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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