I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
