new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
