I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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