She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
