Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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