Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
