well you can't waste a boner
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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