I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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