Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
