apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno