I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....