um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."