In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.