1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel