Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
