i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There r osticjed everywhere
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
