Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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