had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
