just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so let's talk penis.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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