come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
