Umm I'm too high to move.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
