John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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