Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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