Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
