I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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