What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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