why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I didn't notice because vodka
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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