I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
