due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's the barista slut.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
