Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
