Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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