well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
