My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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