i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
