I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
