just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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