Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
