Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
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Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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