sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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