You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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