i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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